The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Avast, me hearties! 18 scallywags be sent to Davy Jones' locker, 13 landlubbers be wounded in Maine's bloody skirmish. The constables be on the hunt fer the black-hearted scoundrel!"

2023-10-26

Avast, ye scurvy dogs! A mighty search be underway for the scoundrel who be responsible for the tragic plunderin' of 18 lives, with 13 more left wounded, in Lewiston, Maine. The powers that be be callin' for the capture of 40-year-old Robert Card, a treacherous villain armed and ready for battle! Aye, hundreds of lawmen, 80 FBI agents, and even the royal marshals be joinin' forces to bring this scallywag to justice. A cry be heard from the land, as the residents of..."

In the jolly tongue of a 17th-century pirate, I bring thee news of a manhunt that be taking place in the fair town of Lewiston, Maine! Arrr, 'tis a tale of treachery and misdeeds, me hearties! The villainous scoundrel known as Robert Card be on the run after committing a dastardly act that took the lives of 18 souls and left 13 poor souls injured. Avast ye, authorities be working tirelessly to capture this scurvy dog!

Methinks the Maine Public Safety Commissioner, a fine gentleman named Mike Sauschuck, had a word with the good folks of the press during a news conference. He informed them that this rascal, Robert Card, be a dangerous man who be carrying arms. Arrr, that be enough to make even the bravest sailor shiver in his boots! The authorities be urging all to be on guard and report any sightings of this black-hearted knave.

Be ye ready for the grand scale of this manhunt, me hearties? Hundreds of brave police officers, along with 80 fearless FBI agents, have joined forces to apprehend this wretched soul. And that not be all! Even the federal marshals and other agencies have joined this noble quest to bring justice to the fair town of Lewiston.

Meanwhile, the residents of Lewiston be living in fear, for this vile villain be on the loose. They be locking their doors and peeking through their windows, worried that this man be lurking in the shadows. But fear not, me hearties! The brave men and women of law enforcement be working day and night to ensure the safety of the good people. With their dedication and the support of the community, we shall bring this scallywag to justice!

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