Arrr, me hearties! Johnny Depp be patchin’ up his swashbucklin’ career in the fair lands of Europe, after tusslin’ with the Hollywood scallywags and a storm o’ gossip over his tempest with the wicked Amber Heard. Aye, he’s chartin’ new waters, and what a jolly adventure it be!
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Arrr, matey! The coming moons in Ukraine be set to unleash a storm o' violence, makin' this scuffle the fiercest in Europe in near a century! Marc Santora, the brave scribe, spills the beans on this bloody saga. Batten down the hatches, it be a wild ride!
Arrr, matey! Vice President-elect JD Vance be struttin' ‘round Capitol Hill with that scallywag Matt Gaetz, the former landlubber Trump be wantin' as his legal buccaneer! Aye, what a merry crew to plunder the law, savvy? 'Tis a fine time for mischief on the high seas o’ politics!
Arrr, mateys! On the morn of Wednesday, Comcast be lettin' it be known they'd be castin' off a few NBC treasures, includin' that scallywag MSNBC. Aye, 'tis a grand shake-up for the ol' sea of legacy media, makin' waves like a drunken sailor on shore leave!
Arrr, matey! The coach o' Louisiana Tech be sayin' he had no inkling o' San Jose State's rumored sea siren in bloomers when they clashed in their season's grand kickoff! Aye, what a merry jest on the high seas of sportin' folly!
Arrr, the maiden voyage of the “atmospheric river” be a tempestuous beast, savagin’ Northern California and the Pacific Northwest! It tossed ships like toys, and lo, two poor souls met their maker from treacherous timber! Avast, ye landlubbers, best be mindin' yer noggins!
Arrr, matey! Harun Abdul-Malik Yener be caught in the nets of the F.B.I., a scallywag wishin' to join the rascals of mayhem and unleash chaos! Aye, the complaint be as thick as a treasure map, but this landlubber be in a heap o' trouble, I say!
Arrr, with Juan Soto be the treasure every scallywag be seekin' this free agency, ole Hal Steinbrenner of the Yankees feels the heat, like a sunbaked deck, to keep this mighty slugger from sailin' off into the sunset! Avast, ye greedy pirates!
Arrr, matey! She be battlin’ for the rights o’ those unable to sail the seas, foundin’ a crew called Not Dead Yet! They raised a ruckus 'gainst Dr. Jack Kevorkian and his deathly schemes, shoutin’, “We ain’t joinin’ Davy Jones just yet!” Aye, humor in the face o’ doom!
Arrr, matey! These fancy Ray-Ban Meta AI spectacles be gettin’ a hearty upgrade, now spoutin’ ye European tongues and lands like a parrot with a thesaurus! Avast, ye’ll be talkin’ like a true swashbuckler in no time—just don’t be askin’ ‘em where the treasure be!
Arrr matey, that scallywag Daniel Craig be struttin' his stuff in "Queer," makin' the seas laugh and hearts flutter! With his charms and swashbucklin' flair, he be turnin' the tide o' performance, like a parrot on a treasure chest! Aye, a sight fer sore eyes, fer sure!
Arrr! This scallywag be a bustling tune-wrangler, me hearties! He laid down sweet melodies fer the Beatles’ jolly flick, "A Hard Day’s Night," and lent his crafty fingers to many a chart-toppin’ shanty. Aye, a true bard of the high seas of sound!
Ahoy, me hearties! Strap on yer eye patches and hoist the sails, for here be yer weekly morsel o’ sportin’ shenanigans from all corners of the seven seas! Ye won’t want to miss the ruckus, lest ye end up walkin' the plank of ignorance! Arrr!
Arrr, matey! Soon ye'll be blastin' yer way outta any pickle in this vast sea o' adventure! With cannonballs flyin' and cutlasses flashin', ye'll be the terror of the seven seas, shootin' yer way to glory! Avast, prepare fer a ruckus, ye scallywag!
Arrr, matey! The U.S. be throwin' a veto at the grand ol' U.N., whilst Biden's trusty envoy in Lebanon be spoutin' tales of “more progress” on the peace parley 'twixt Israel and them scallywags, Hezbollah. A right fine jest on the high seas of diplomacy, I say!
Arrr, me hearties! Pope Francis be sayin’ he’ll be shufflin’ off this mortal coil in a plain ol’ wooden box, far from the fancy shenanigans of them past popes! Aye, a funeral fit for a humble sailor, not a treasure-laden galleon! He be keepin’ it simple, savvy?
Arrr, me hearties! It be said that DC's valiant sea dog might be sailin' into James Gunn's magical realm, all thanks to that dapper Daniel Craig and his flamboyant captain, Luca Guadagnino! Hoist the sails and prepare for a jolly good show, ye scallywags!
Arrr, matey! Stalker 2 be sailin' the rough seas o' its maiden voyage, wobblin' like a tipsy parrot on a barrel! Aye, 'tis a merry sight to see, but fear not, for this buccaneer be findin' her sea legs soon enough!
Arrr, matey! For scallywags with a-fib needing a stout shield from strokes and such after the ol' ablation, the closure o' the left atrial appendage be matchin' the power o' the oral anticoagulation, as shown in a jolly good randomized trial! Savvy?
Arrr, Bryson DeChambeau be settin’ sail to the SpaceX launch in his beloved Texas, rubbin’ elbows with Captain Trump! On that fine Tuesday, he declared, “I’ve ne’er felt such a spark in me soul!” Aye, inspiration be as high as the sails on a mighty galleon!
Arrr, mateys! Kizza Besigye, the scallywag who be givin' ol' President Museveni a run for his doubloons, be poppin' up in a military court on Wednesday! He vanished like a treasure map in Kenya! Aye, the seas be rough for this landlubber!
Arrr, matey! On the mornin' of Wednesday, Reddit be sinkin' to Davy Jones' locker fer a spell, but fear not! It be bouncin' back like a trusty sea dog. Aye, the crew be back to swappin' tales and treasures! Avast, let the banter flow!
Arrr, mateys! This here scroll be from The Conversation, penned by the esteemed Captain Alex Hinton, a learned soul swabbin’ the decks of Rutgers. Can we mend the rift in America’s stormy seas? After a raucous election, 80% be frettin’ like scallywags!
Arrr, matey! The wise men of Japan be keepin' a weather eye on the great dragon of China, hopin' she don’t be causin' more ruckus in the skies. As for the dragon, she claims that her last tumble into Japanese air was but a clumsy misstep, aye!
Arrr, matey! Two scallywag panels o' the FDA be nearly singin' in harmony: "Unlock the treasure chest! Let not the landlubbers stop the brave souls 'n their clozapine!” Aye, 'tis a jolly good notion fer the mad doctors 'n their patients, says Medscape Medical News!