Arr! Thar be a plan afoot by th' House GOP to dodge a terrible government shutdown, mateys!
2023-11-12
Arr, mateys! Them scurvy House Republicans be plannin' a two-step scheme to fund the government, as we sail towards another spending deadline. Cap'n Mike Johnson, our newly elected Speaker, be blamin' others for the mess we be in. But fear not, he be appealin' to his right-wing brethren with this plan, says me source aboard the call.
In a twist that would make even the craftiest pirate envious, House Republicans have devised a cunning two-step plan to fund the government. Arrr, mateys, it seems Congress be sailing toward yet another spending deadline this Friday, and these scallywags are determined to find a way out of the mess.Ahoy, newly elected House Speaker Mike Johnson be the one to announce this plan on a GOP conference call with his fellow buccaneers. He be sayin', "I wasn't the architect of the mess we be in," as he tried to rally support for the plan, according to one who be on the call.
Cleverly, Johnson be tryin' to please both the right-wing members of his crew and the rest of the motley bunch by pitchin' this two-step idea. Now, ye might be wonderin' what this plan be all about, and I'll tell ye, me hearties.
The first step of this grand plan be to pass a short-term funding bill to keep the government afloat until December 3. Aye, ye heard that right, me mateys. They be buyin' themselves a bit more time to figure things out. But don't get too excited, for the second step be where it gets interesting.
This be the part where the real treasure lies, me hearties. Johnson be plannin' to use a separate bill to fund the government for the rest of the fiscal year, but with some extra goodies for the right-wing bunch. They be wantin' to include provisions to defund Planned Parenthood and put restrictions on the use of federal funds for abortions.
So, me mates, there ye have it. House Republicans be settin' sail on a treacherous journey to fund the government, and they be doin' it in two steps. Will they succeed, or will they be walkin' the plank? Only time will tell, but one thing be for certain – this be one tale worth watchin'.