The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! No proof yet 'tis true that Kelly Oubre Jr. of the 76ers was struck by a rogue and vanished, says the law!

2023-11-15

Avast, mateys! Word be spreadin' that our fine swashbucklin' lad, Kelly Oubre Jr. of the Philadelphia 76ers, be struck by a beastly landship. Yet, the constabulary claim no proof of a hit-and-run has been discovered. Arr, a puzzlin' tale indeed!

In a language befitting a 17th-century pirate, me hearties, it seems that there be some confusion surroundin' the tale of Kelly Oubre Jr., a player for the Philadelphia 76ers. The police claim they have found no evidence to support the claim that he was struck by a vehicle. Arrr!
According to ESPN, the initial report said that Oubre had been hit by a car while strollin' through Center City, near the team's future arena. They even went so far as to say that he was receivin' treatment at a hospital, but fear not, me mateys, for he be in stable condition.
However, the team officials came forward and said that he had simply broken a rib, and after a brief stay in the hospital, he was free to set sail once more. Yarrr!
The authorities in Philadelphia claimed that a vehicle had indeed hit Oubre as he was crossin' the street near his home. They said the car was goin' at a mighty high speed and hit him in the chest with its mirror. The scoundrel behind the wheel then fled into the night. Oubre suffered injuries to his hip and right leg, they say. Shiver me timbers!
But hold your horses, me hearties! The police have now come forward and said they have no video or photographic evidence to support this tale. The investigation be continuin', says they. Yo ho ho!
Meanwhile, the team be givin' us some good news. They say that Oubre be recoverin' well and has even started doin' some light exercise. They hope to have him back on the court in the comin' weeks. Avast, me hearties, the Philadelphia community has shown him great support, says they. A fine show of solidarity, indeed!
So fear not, me mateys, for it seems that Oubre be on the mend. His coach says he be in good spirits and even peddled on an exercise bike. The lad be a valuable player for the team, averagin' 16.3 points and 5.1 rebounds per game. He be shootin' at a fine 50% from the floor and 37.5% from deep. Arrr, he be a true treasure for the team, indeed!
That be the tale of Kelly Oubre Jr., me hearties. May he recover swiftly and return to the court to continue his swashbucklin' ways!

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