The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arr, that scurvy dog from Michigan, he be hidin' his tracks like a true pirate! No expense reports for his sign-stealin' antics, says the report!

2023-11-16

Ahoy, mateys! 'Tis be said that Connor Stalions, a landlubber from Michigan, be a right scurvy dog! He be not keepin' any records o' his booty spent on tickets, whilst them scalawags be investigatin' their sign-stealing shenanigans! Arrr, what a scallywag he be!

Former Michigan analyst Connor Stalions managed to avoid leaving a paper trail that would implicate him in the alleged sign-stealing scheme. While his ticket purchases were easily discovered, Stalions did not file any expense reports that could have made the investigation into Coach Jim Harbaugh much simpler. It seems that Stalions was smart enough not to ask for reimbursement, which could have revealed his involvement even more clearly. Despite the Big Ten claiming that the NCAA has obtained financial information about Stalions' ticket acquisitions, Michigan quickly responded to a FOIA request by stating that there were no financial ties to the ongoing investigation.

The NCAA is currently looking into how Stalions managed to pay for all these expenses, but with Michigan's prompt response to the FOIA, it seems they were relieved to not uncover any financial mistakes on Stalions' part. However, the investigation is still ongoing, and it remains to be seen if Stalions' actions will ultimately benefit Michigan's case with the NCAA.

In the meantime, a judge will decide whether Michigan's head coach, Jim Harbaugh, will be able to continue coaching. A motion has been filed seeking a temporary restraining order against the three-game suspension handed down by Big Ten commissioner Tony Petitti. The judge did not make an immediate decision, and attorneys from both sides will present their arguments before Judge Timothy Connors.

Harbaugh's attorneys and the university are hopeful that the judge will find that the Big Ten acted hastily in suspending Harbaugh without a thorough investigation. If successful, Harbaugh could coach in the upcoming game against Maryland. However, the Big Ten and Petitti will also present their defense, and if the judge sides with them, Harbaugh will be forced to miss the next two games, including the highly anticipated matchup against Ohio State.

As for Stalions, the investigation involving Michigan and the NCAA is far from over. His alleged role in the sign-stealing scheme is still being examined, and more developments are expected in the future.

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