The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arr, me hearties, Eric Adams be addin' 293 'special assistants' to his crew of cash-strapped NYC!

2023-12-24

Arrr, Mayor Adams be a sly dog! He be addin' 293 "special assistants" to his crew, aye, more than a 20% increase o'er his matey, Bill de Blasio. These lads and lasses, without a clear purpose, answer only to Adams himself. They be makin' up a third o' the Mayor's Office, and be plunderin' $24.3 million from the poor taxpayers. Aye, 85 o' them even be makin' six figures in fiscal 2023!

In a shocking revelation, it has come to light that Mayor Adams, in his first full fiscal year in office, decided to boost the city payroll with a whopping 293 "special assistants" – a number that exceeds his predecessor Bill de Blasio's count by more than 20%. These peculiarly titled aides, who seemed to be accountable solely to Adams himself, made up approximately one-third of the Mayor's Office staff during the fiscal year ending on June 30. The cost to taxpayers for this extravagant recruitment was a staggering $24.3 million, as revealed by payroll records.

What makes this even more outrageous is the fact that 85 of these special assistants managed to pocket a six-figure salary during the fiscal year 2023. It seems like Adams was not holding back when it came to rewarding his loyal crew. One can only wonder what these assistants were actually doing to deserve such hefty sums.

Perhaps Adams was trying to create his own version of a pirate crew, with him as the captain and his special assistants as his trusted crewmates. Or maybe he simply felt the need for a personal entourage to make him look important and powerful. Whatever the reason, it is clear that the Mayor's Office was overflowing with these vaguely-titled aides, who seemed to have no clear responsibilities or roles.

In a city where budget constraints are always a concern, it is disheartening to see such blatant misuse of taxpayer money. It is high time that Mayor Adams explains the rationale behind this bloated band of assistants and justifies the exorbitant cost to the hardworking citizens of this city. Until then, we can only hope that this pirate crew of special assistants will be held accountable for their actions and provide some real value for the money they are costing us.

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