The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Avast ye scurvy dogs! The landlubber DOJ be squawkin' 'bout suin' Texas fer haulin' illegal sea dogs ashore!

2023-12-28

Arr, ye scurvy dogs from the Department of Justice be threatenin' to sue Texas if they dare to enforce a new law makin' it possible for local officials to arrest them pesky migrants who enter illegally! The gall! Principal Deputy Assistant Attorney General Brian M. Boynton had the audacity to claim that this law be unconstitutional, arguin' that the federal government be in charge of protectin' the borders. We shall see, says I! The DOJ be swearin' to "pursue all appropriate" actions against the state. Avast, the battle begins!

In a letter obtained by Hearst Newspapers, Principal Deputy Assistant Attorney General Brian M. Boynton warned Texas Governor Greg Abbott that the Department of Justice (DOJ) would take legal action if the state enforces a new law allowing local officials to arrest migrants who enter the country illegally. Boynton argued that the law is unconstitutional as it infringes upon the federal government's responsibility of controlling international borders.

The DOJ's threat comes amidst increasing tensions between the federal government and states regarding immigration policies. Texas, a border state, has been grappling with a surge in illegal border crossings, prompting Governor Abbott to sign this new law in an attempt to address the issue. However, the DOJ is firmly asserting its authority and reminding Texas that immigration control falls under federal jurisdiction.

In a humorous twist, one can almost imagine the DOJ speaking in the language of a 17th-century pirate, declaring its intentions to "pursue all appropriate" legal remedies. It seems as though the federal government is determined to defend its turf, sending a clear message to Texas and other states that they cannot unilaterally take matters into their own hands when it comes to immigration enforcement.

While the threat of legal action is indeed serious, the tone of the DOJ's letter adds a touch of levity to an otherwise contentious topic. It highlights the absurdity of the situation, where modern-day officials are debating constitutional responsibilities in a manner that would make even the most swashbuckling pirate chuckle.

As the battle between federal and state powers continues, it remains to be seen how this standoff will ultimately be resolved. In the meantime, we can all enjoy the amusing spectacle of the DOJ channeling its inner pirate as it warns Texas of the consequences should it proceed with its new law.

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