"Avast ye! Ray Epps be walkin' the plank o' one year probation fer his cap'nsible conduct on Jan. 6th raid!"
2024-01-09
Avast ye scurvy scallywags! The grand judge, James Boasberg, hath decreed that Ray Epps, a bloke caught on tape encouragin' the ruffians to storm the sacred Capitol on the fateful day of Jan. 6th, be sentenced to a measly year of probation for his mischievous role in the riot. Ahoy! The Department of Justice be wantin' Epps to rot in the brig for six months, but the judge be showin' some leniency. And to add insult to injury, Epps be forced to fork over $500 in restitution. Arr, justice be a peculiar thing, mates!
In a most peculiar turn of events, Ray Epps, a swashbuckler caught on tape orchestrating a tumultuous assault on the Capitol, has been delivered a rather lenient punishment by Chief Judge James Boasberg of the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia. This scoundrel has been spared the shackles of imprisonment and instead sentenced to a mere year of probation. Methinks the judge hath shown a soft spot for this miscreant.The Department of Justice, in all their wisdom, had initially recommended that Epps be confined to a cell for six months for his dastardly deeds on that fateful day of January 6th, 2021. Yet, it seems that Judge Boasberg has decided that a year of probation shall suffice, perhaps believing that Epps will mend his villainous ways and refrain from any further mischief.
To add insult to injury, Epps has also been ordered to pay a sum of $500 as restitution. Methinks this be but a paltry sum for the havoc he hath wrought upon the Capitol. One wonders if this penalty befit a man who, with his sly tongue, incited the rabble to storm the halls of power. 'Tis a matter of great debate.
Alas, 'tis a strange world we live in, where a pirate such as Epps can escape the clutches of the law with naught but a slap on the wrist. But fear not, fellow citizens, for justice may yet prevail. Let us hope that in the future, those who dare to disrupt the peace and harmony of our fair land shall face a more fitting punishment, one that befits their heinous crimes. Until then, we must remain vigilant and steadfast, lest more scoundrels like Epps slip through the cracks of justice.