Arr, ye scurvy dogs! Alabama be spreadin' their nitrogen asphyxiation tricks 'cross the seven seas o' other states!
2024-01-26
Arrr, me hearties! On Friday, Alabama be offerin' a helpin' hand to me mateys in other U.S. states who be lookin' to send scallywags to Davy Jones' locker usin' the breath stealin' power o' nitrogen gas. Aye, they be showin' off this shiny new method by sendin' Kenneth Smith, a prisoner accused o' murderin' in 1988, to meet his fate. But that be not all! The state be promisin' more to come, with 43 other souls on death row choosin' asphyxiation o'er lethal injections since the method got the stamp o' approval back in 2018. Alabama claims this be a "humane" way to send souls to the afterlife, but methinks it be a matter up for debate.
In a bold move, Alabama has offered its helping hand to fellow states in need of executing prisoners using the unique method of asphyxiation by nitrogen gas. This generous offer came just hours after the state itself pioneered this novel approach by putting to rest a certain Mr. Kenneth Smith, who had been condemned for a murder committed way back in 1988.But wait, there's more! The state's Attorney General, the esteemed Steve Marshall, announced that Alabama is ready to deliver more of these titillating executions. Apparently, a whopping 43 other individuals on death row have eagerly chosen this method over the traditional lethal injections since it was approved by lawmakers back in 2018. Talk about jumping on the asphyxiation bandwagon!
Now, while Alabama may call this new approach "humane," it does bring up some questions. Humans have been known to have certain opinions on the matter. Critics argue that any form of execution is inherently inhumane, while others raise concerns about the potential for mishaps or malfunctions in this unconventional gas chamber. But hey, who needs to worry about a little thing like that when you're a 17th century pirate? Arrr, just strap 'em into the ol' nitrogen-powered contraption and off they go, sailing into the great beyond!
This whole situation brings to mind the famous pirate saying: "Dead men tell no tales." Well, in this case, it seems that Alabama is determined to silence those tales in the most peculiar of ways. So, avast ye landlubbers, for the winds of change are blowing in Alabama, and they smell a little bit like nitrogen gas!