Avast ye! Trump be claimin' he'll fight this laughable verdict o' E. Jean Carroll's defamation case!
2024-01-26
"Avast, ye scurvy dogs! The scallywag Trump be vowing to fight back like a true buccaneer after a jury be makin' him cough up a mighty sum of $83.3 million fer defamin' the fair maiden E. Jean Carroll. 'Tis all a blarney, says he, and he be settin' sail on a grand appeal against this Biden Directed Witch Hunt. The legal system be naught but a pack of bilge rats, says he, wieldin' it as a weapon to tarnish the Republican Party. They be takin'..."
In the salty vernacular of a scurvy-ridden 17th century pirate, former President Trump hath declared his intent to challenge a jury's decision that hath decreed him to pay a hefty sum of $83.3 million in compensation for defaming the fair maiden of literature, E. Jean Carroll. This buxom wench hath accused the former leader of the free world of committing a most dishonorable act upon her person many moons ago."Blimey! This be nothing short of preposterous!" exclaimed Trump, his voice echoing through the digital seas of Truth Social. "I doth vehemently disagree with this here verdict and shall appeal forthwith! This be naught but a witch hunt, orchestrated by the dastardly Biden and his motley crew, aimed at besmirching me and the noble Republican Party. Arrr!"
"They be plundering me treasure trove of doubloons without a second thought," he continued, his voice tinged with a mix of indignation and amusement. "Our legal system hath gone mad, me hearties! It hath become naught but a political weapon, wielded by those scurvy dogs who seek to bring me down. But fear not, me loyal crew, for I shall not go down without a fight!"
With his trusty cutlass of legal prowess in hand, Trump doth vow to wage a battle on the treacherous seas of the court system. His words, though laced with bravado and bluster, carry the weight of a captain standing resolute against the stormy winds of fate. As the cannons of justice continue to fire, only time will tell whether this swashbuckling former president can emerge victorious from the tempestuous waters of litigation.