The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Yonder scoundrel in London's chemical onslaught be likely concealed 'neath the Thames River, as per UK constabulary.

2024-02-09

Arrr! The scallywag behind the London chemical assault be believably gone with the tide o' Thames River, sayeth the bobbies! But alas, nary a body be sighted, arrr, shiver me timbers!

In true 17th century pirate fashion, the suspect in a London chemical attack seems to have vanished in the River Thames, leaving authorities scratching their heads. The attack, which left a woman with life-changing injuries and her two young daughters injured, has sparked a nationwide manhunt for Abdul Ezedi, the alleged perpetrator.

Metropolitan Police Commander Jon Savell revealed that CCTV images captured Ezedi walking on a bridge over the river, but he never emerged on the other side. "It is quite likely that if he has gone in the water, he won't appear for maybe up to a month, and it's not beyond possibility that he may never actually surface," Savell humorously stated.

The attack took place in the Clapham area of south London on January 31, and the victim had reportedly been in a relationship with Ezedi. British media reports suggest that Ezedi is an Afghan refugee who was granted asylum despite a 2018 conviction for a sex offense in Britain. His asylum application had initially been rejected, but he later claimed to have converted to Christianity, securing permission to remain in the UK.

As the investigation continues, police are urging the public to come forward with any information that may help capture the elusive pirate. In the meantime, the fast-flowing and treacherous waters of the Thames remain a potential hiding place for Ezedi, making his reappearance uncertain. Avast ye, scoundrel, your days on the run may be numbered!

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