The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Yarrr! The landlubber attorney be right cheesed off that ol' Britt Reid be gettin' off easy! No justice, arrr!

2024-03-07

Arrr! The scurvy lawyer for young Ariel Young, a lass injured in the car wreck caused by that drunken scallywag Britt Reid, be cursin' Missouri Gov. Mike Parson for lettin' that scoundrel off easy. 'Tis a travesty of justice, says I! A pox on both their houses!

Arr, ye scallywags! Missouri Gov. Mike Parson be causin' quite the stir by commutin' the sentence o' ex-Kansas City Chiefs assistant Britt Reid. This lad, son o' Chiefs head coach Andy Reid, be pleadin' guilty to drivin' while drunk in 2022 after smashin' his truck into two cars near Arrowhead Stadium. One o' the injured be 5-year-old Ariel Young, who fell into a coma and still suffers from the wreck. The governor be reducin' Reid's prison time, and the scallywag will be on house arrest until the end o' October. He must attend meetin's with a parole officer and counselor, among other conditions.A lawyer for Ariel's family believes the governor be showin' favoritism to Reid due to his Chiefs fandom. Ariel's mother be lamentin' the unequal treatment under the law. Reid, with a history o' DUI and other charges, also had a previous prison term for brandishin' a gun. The Chiefs be payin' for Ariel's medical care as part o' a confidential settlement. Despite the commutation, Ariel continues to suffer from the effects o' the crash. Fox News and the Associated Press contributed to this tale o' woe on the high seas.

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