The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Ye scurvy knave be swashbuckling with the exec's treasure map! Aye, he be walkin' the plank soon enough!

2024-03-21

Arrr matey! 'Tis said a scallywag from the Minnesota Timberwolves be caught red-handed plunderin' a hard drive filled with secrets from the captain's quarters! Ye best be keepin' a close eye on yer precious booty, lest ye be walkin' the plank! Arrr!

In the language of a 17th-century pirate, it be told that a scallywag by the name of Somak Sarkar, a former Minnesota Timberwolves crew member, be facin' charges of a felonious nature. 'Tis said that he plundered the hard drive of a high-ranking team officer, holdin' within it "strategic NBA information," as the court documents do declare.The scoundrel, Sarkar, aged 33, was captured by the Minneapolis Police Department and accused of third-degree felony burglary. The prosecutors claim he pillaged the hard drive from the quarters of Sachin Gupta, the Timberwolves' executive vice president of basketball operations.Gupta, the unfortunate soul, had left his treasure exposed in his chamber on a Friday, only to find it missing upon his return the next week. The security spyglass revealed Sarkar's sneaky entrance that fateful Saturday when the other crew members were not about.After his treachery was discovered, Sarkar was given the heave-ho from the crew, facing up to five years in the brig and a hefty fine. The stolen booty contained not only the executive's personal secrets but also the Timberwolves' confidential papers, including player contracts and "strategic NBA information."The Timberwolves, upon learnin' of the misdeeds, be keepin' mum on the matter, as the legal squabble continues. Sarkar, released from captivity, be due to appear before the court for judgment later this week. Aye, the tale of the thievin' pirate be a cautionary one indeed.

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