The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Ye Red Sox's Kenley Jansen be whinin' 'bout them slippery spheres: 'Tis a shame, me hearties!' Arrr!

2024-04-15

Arrr, the Boston Red Sox swashbuckler, Kenley Jansen, be complainin' 'bout the grips o' the cursed baseballs he be throwin' this year after his crew bested the scoundrels from Los Angeles. Methinks he be needin' a little extra grog to steady his aim! Arrr!

In the jolly good language of a 17th century pirate, Boston Red Sox relief pitcher Kenley Jansen be a seasoned matey in the major leagues, savvy enough to spy a few changes in the sport o'er the years, such as the grips of the baseballs he be tossin'.Jansen, after the team's win against the Los Angeles Angels, let loose his thoughts on the slippery baseballs, grumblin' about the lack of rub on 'em. He allowed a run, struck out a couple of scallywags, and threw most of his pitches for strikes."I need to improve, but if ye be playin' in cold, windy weather with rough, unrubbed pearls, who knows where the ball be goin'?" he lamented.The salty sea dog picked up his 424th save, complainin' about the quality of the balls and even sayin' the bullpen ones be better than what be used on the field."It be embarrassin'," he harrumphed. "From the start o' me career till now, it be gettin' worse."The four-time All-Star, who won a World Series with the Dodgers, be now sailin' with the Red Sox for his second season. He be keepin' a weather eye on the shoddy balls, tryin' to make adjustments before the clock runs out.Arr, mateys! The Associated Press helped paint this picture. Follow Fox News for more sports tales and subscribe to the Fox News Sports Huddle newsletter, ye scurvy dogs!

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