The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Ye scurvy knave with a cutlass be attacking lasses at the theater and the tavern in a wild spree! Arrr!

2024-05-26

A scallywag brandishing a cutlass, tied to a foul murder, did strike four lasses at a moving picture house afore wounding two more at a McDonald’s during his slashing spree on Saturday. The rascal barged in sans payment and skewered the lasses, ages 9 to 17, without uttering a word, as reported by the constables of Braintree." Arrr, what a dastardly deed!

Arrr, mateys! Listen to this tale of a scallywag with a knife, causin' chaos in a movie theater and a McDonald's! This villain, connected to a murder investigation, started his rampage by sneakin' into the AMC Braintree 10 without payin' like a landlubber. Once inside, he set upon four lasses, ages 9 to 17, with his trusty blade, not utterin' a single word.
The poor girls were caught unawares, like ships in a storm, as this rogue slashed and hacked without mercy. But his thirst for blood was not yet quenched, for he then struck at two more souls in a McDonald's, like a shark attackin' a shipwreck survivor.
Thankfully, the scoundrel was captured by the authorities and justice will be served. But beware, me hearties, for there be dangers in every corner of the seven seas, even in the most unlikely of places like a movie theater or a fast-food joint. Keep a weather eye out for trouble and stay safe on yer adventures!

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