The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Lawyer be sayin' Hunter Biden didn't be tellin' fibs 'bout his scurvy addiction, savvy? Aye, matey!

2024-06-04

Avast ye scurvy jurors! Hunter Biden’s sea lawyer be spoutin' tales of denial 'bout his powder keg addiction. The scallywag claims he weren’t a true addict when he lied 'bout his gun quest in 2018. But the bilge-rat prosecutors be leavin' out the key word ‘knowingly’ in their charges against him. Arrr!

In the midst of a mighty courtroom battle, Hunter Biden's trusty attorney spun a yarn for the jurors, claiming that Biden was but a humble lad in denial of his drug addiction back in the year of our Lord 2018. Abbe Lowell, the mastermind behind Biden's defense, boldly proclaimed that his client could not be held accountable for fibbing on a federal form regarding his addiction to the grog, as Biden did not truly see himself as an addict in those days.
"Arrr, those scurvy prosecutors be forgettin' the word 'knowingly' in their accusations against me matey Biden," Lowell bellowed as he began his defense. Aye, 'tis a treacherous sea they be navigatin', indeed.
As the trial unfurled like a tattered Jolly Roger on the high seas, the courtroom was filled with laughter and gasps of disbelief at the audacity of Biden's denial. Yet, through it all, the pirate attorney stood steadfast by his client, ready to fight tooth and nail against the accusations that threatened to send Biden to Davy Jones' locker.

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