The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Simone Biles be claimin’ gold in the vault, makin’ Olympic history like a true swashbucklin' gymnast!

2024-08-03

Arrr matey! lass Simone Biles be claimin' her third shiny gold doubloon from the Olympics in Paris! She soared through the air like a seagull on a quest fer treasure, landin' atop the women's vault final podium like a true captain of the gymnastic seas!

Ahoy, me hearties! Gather ‘round as I regale ye with the tale of the mighty Simone Biles, the swashbucklin' gymnast who be claimin' her third gold at the 2024 Paris Olympics! That lass be markin' her name in the annals of history, for she be the second fair maiden to conquer the vault not once, but twice! Aye, she did it first in Rio back in 2016.

With a score of 15.800, she sailed into the vault final, leavin’ her rivals, like the Brazil lass Rebeca Andrade, in her wake. Biles be performin’ the dreaded Yurchenko double pike, a vault so tricky it makes Davy Jones himself shiver! She scored a whopping 15.700 on her first attempt, followin’ it with a score of 14.900, dominatin’ the seas of gymnastics!

Her trusty mate Jade Carey bagged the bronze with a score of 14.466, while Andrade took the silver. With a total of ten Olympic medals, Biles be climbin’ the ranks like a true captain of the high seas, now holdin' the record for the most medals by any lass in gymnastics history. So hoist the Jolly Roger for Simone, the queen of the vault, as she sails into the sunset of glory!

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