The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Simone Biles be sayin' there be one pesky question ye landlubbers need to quit askin' us Olympians!

2024-08-04

Arrr, me hearties! 'Tis a mystery if our lass Simone Biles be joinin' the Olympics in 2028! But fret not, she be not ponderin' that yet; she be too busy revelin' in the Parisian jollies for now! Yarrr, let the good times roll!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn of the great Simone Biles, a true swashbuckler o' the gymnastics seas! This lass be baskin' in the glory after snatchin' her third shiny gold at the 2024 Paris Olympics, makin' her a legend amongst legends!

With a vault so grand, she be the second wench in history to conquer the vault twice, followin’ her triumph in Rio! Aye, this be her third Olympic voyage, and though only five salty sea dogs have sailed four, Biles be settin’ sail at the ripe age of 31 for the Los Angeles games, which be ancient in gymnastics lore!

Yet, this lass be penning her own tale, wantin’ to savor the moment instead of bein' peppered with questions of what’s to come. “Stop askin’ what’s next, ye landlubbers!” she declared, “Let a gal enjoy the spoils of her labor!”

With eight medals now hangin’ ‘round her neck, more than any other American gymnast, Biles be a fierce force! She dazzled the crowds with her floor routine and raked in gold once more! So, raise yer tankards to Simone, the captain of the gymnastics crew, as she charts her course through history! Arrr!

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