The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, matey! That shot put lass be spoutin' of a cursed wardrobe, makin' her competition a frightful sea of woes!

2024-08-05

Arrr, mateys! Chase Jackson, the fair lass hurlin' the shot, be settin' sail for her Olympic debut this week! But lo, she be fightin' a nightmare fit for Davy Jones before facin' the games! Aye, the seas of competition be treacherous, but she be ready to hoist the cannonball!

Arrr, gather 'round ye landlubbers, fer I’ve a tale to spin ‘bout a lass named Chase Jackson, who be preparin’ to make a grand debut at the Olympics in Paris! This fierce shot put champion, havin’ claimed the crown twice over in world championships, found herself in a pickle before she even set foot in the arena.

Upon her grand arrival in Paris, instead of celebratin’, she was blubberin’ like a scallywag after discoverin’ none of her competition garb fit her! “When ye be spendin’ yer first hour in Paris cryin’ ‘cause they didn’t give ye naught in yer size,” she lamented on her Instagram, as if the French tailor be a villain in her epic.

But fret not, for it turns out it be an “admin error” that led to this unfortunate wardrobe calamity! The lass assured us that all brands be knowin’ her true size, and she finally got her gear sorted with the help of her trusty crew from Team USA! “Just a logistical nightmare,” she quipped, as she prepared to hurl that heavy iron ball into the great unknown.

So, on Thursday, our brave maiden shall step into the shot put circle, ready to show the world what she be made of. May the winds be at her back and the shot put soar higher than a crow’s nest!

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