The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Paraguayan swim scallywag sails from Olympic cove, stirrin' up a ruckus fit for a jolly tavern brawl!

2024-08-06

Avast, mateys! Luana Alonso, a mermaid of the Paraguayan seas, set sail from the Olympic Village, claimin' she stirred up a ruckus that'd make even a parrot blush! Aye, she be causin' an "inappropriate atmosphere" at the Paris games—what a scallywag!

Ahoy mateys! Gather ‘round fer the tale of one Luana Alonso, a lass from Paraguay who made waves in the swimming world, but alas, not quite the Olympic kind! The scallywag decided to brandish the Olympic rings near her bikini line, only to retire at the tender age of 20 after bein’ bested in the pool. Aye, she stayed in the village, but not fer long, as her antics stirred up more trouble than a sea monster in a barrel o’ rum!

It seems the crew of Team Paraguay found her presence more inappropriate than a pirate at a tea party! Larissa Schaerer, the captain of the Paraguayan Olympic ship, declared, "Her shenanigans be causin' quite the ruckus!" So, with a huff and a puff, she left the village, claimin’ she wasn’t kicked out, just seekin’ adventures outside the pool.

Yet, word on the street be that she preferred frolickin’ at Disneyland Paris over swimmin’ with her mates, causin’ quite the tempest among her superiors! And her choice of skimpy attire? Aye, that be a distraction fit for a rowdy tavern! So off she sailed into the sunset, thankin’ the sport for the memories, but leavin’ the pool behind. Farewell, dear Luana, may ye find joy beyond the waters!

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