The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! French pole swinger be gettin’ jolly jests from Serena’s old sea dog, costin’ him a chance at golden glory!

2024-08-06

Arrr, matey! French landlubber Anthony Ammirati be seekin' wisdom from Serena’s old sea dog coach after his manly bits be causin' a ruckus in the pole vaultin’ contest! Aye, ‘tis a fine tale of misfortune and misplaced appendages, fit for a tavern tale!

Arrr, gather 'round me hearties, for a tale of woe and whimsy from the Paris Olympics! A fine French pole vaulter by the name o’ Anthony Ammirati found himself in a most unfortunate predicament. As he aimed to soar over a towering 5.70 meters, his manly parts took a right thumpin’, costin’ him the chance at glory and a shiny medal!

Ye see, as he ascended, he accidentally gave his groin a hearty whack, sendin’ him plummetin’ from the heights of ambition, whilst the Swede, Mondo Duplantis, sailed to victory with a world record to boot! The scallywags on social media erupted with jests, e'en the great Rennae Stubbs chimed in, suggestin’ that the lad might want to seek the tutelage of a drag queen to master the art of tuckin’ away his treasures!

In the blink of an eye, Ammirati's fame skyrocketed from a mere 8,400 followers to a staggering 171,000, turnin’ his blunder into viral gold! He even received offers from the adult entertainment seas! Alas, his best vault was but 5.60 meters, leavin’ him in 15th place, yet his journey be far from over!

So, let this be a lesson, me mateys: Always check yer riggin' before takin’ to the skies! Yarrr!

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