The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Democrats be longin’ fer a scallywag like Tim Walz since the days of yore, matey! Aye, a true treasure!

2024-08-07

Arrr matey! At times, a fancy carriage would roll up our stony lane, and a landlubber in a dapper suit would leap out. He'd be peddlin' overpriced trinkets or seekin' to plunder our land, which me granddad said, “Ye can’t trade it for naught, as they be makin’ no more!” After a handshake, he’d be off. "Count yer fingers, lad!" growled Grandpa Arnie.

Arrr matey, gather 'round and lend me yer ear! On our humble farm, there be days when a shiny carriage, a beast of metal and glass, would roll up the gravel path like a ghost ship in the night. Out steps a feller in a suit so slick ye could slide off it like a fish from a hook! Aye, this swindler either tries to peddle us some trinket worth more than a pirate's gold — which we be wise enough to scoff at, or he’s a-wantin’ to part us from our precious land. Aye, my grandfather, old sea dog Arnie, always said, “Ye don’t part with land, for they be not makin’ any more of it!”

So, this fine gentleman, all charm and no sense, shakes our hands as if he be swearin’ an oath on a treasure map. But beware, I say, for he might be a scallywag up to no good! Once he be off, Grandpappy Arnie would chuckle and say, “Best be countin’ yer fingers, just in case he be a thief!”

So there ye have it, me hearties! A tale of land, laughter, and the slickest landlubber ye ever did see. Keep yer wits about ye and yer land close, for it be as precious as a chest o’ gold doubloons!

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