The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Harrison Butker be tellin’ the landlubbers to hush, “Avast! Stand firm fer me words, ye scurvy dogs!”

2024-08-07

Arrr, matey! Harrison Butker, the swashbucklin' kicker of the Kansas City Chiefs, be holdin' fast to his words from a college shindig, though they be raisin’ a ruckus! Aye, the landlubbers be grumblin’ like scallywags over yer speech! Blimey, what a hullabaloo!

Arrr, gather 'round me hearties! It be a jolly tale of one Harrison Butker, the kicker of the Kansas City Chiefs, who be standin' firm like a mighty ship in a storm after givin' a speech at a college. He spoke of women bein' proud homemakers and tossed some salty words at President Biden over matters of the heart and faith. This brave matey caught the ire of the infamous Serena Williams at the ESPY Awards, but lo and behold, he ain't about to scuttle his ship!

"I be true to me words," he declared, speakin' to the press like a captain givin' orders. "Aye, the offseason be me time to shine as a faithful Catholic, but when the season's upon us, I’ll be keepin' me eyes on the prize—kickin' balls and not stirrin' up trouble!" He even spoke of heart-to-heart chats with his crew in the locker room, fosterin' a bond as strong as the finest rum.

In a grand turn of events, the Chiefs have offered Butker a treasure chest of gold, makin' him the richest kicker in all of NFL history! So raise yer tankards to Butker—the man who be kickin' balls and holdin' firm to his beliefs while sailin' toward victory! Arrr!

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