The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! JD Vance be callin' Tim Walz a scallywag for spoutin' fibs 'bout his sea legs! Stolen valor drivel, I say!

2024-08-07

Arrr, Sen. JD Vance be callin' out Gov. Tim Walz for slippin' his military duty like a greased pig and spinnin' tall tales 'bout bein' a sea dog veteran! At a ruckus in Detroit, Vance laughed, claimin' he rose from the depths of poverty, not from the Ivy League seas!

Arrr mateys, gather 'round fer a tale of political mischief on the high seas o' America! Our brave Sen. JD Vance, a scallywag from Ohio, be throwin' shade at the gallant Governor Tim Walz of Minnesota, claimin' he be dodgin' his duty like a landlubber avoidin' a kraken!

At a raucous rally in Detroit, with the wind in his sails, Vance took to the stage like a proud captain, defendin' himself from a fierce cannonade of questions. A curious reporter, like a pesky seagull, squawked about Walz pointin' fingers at Vance, callin' him an elite Ivy League swab who forgot his roots!

But Vance, with a gleam in his eye, spun a yarn about his humble beginnings, claimin' he hailed from a crew where no matey had ever crossed the threshold of law school. “I be from the poor side of the treasure map!” he declared, as the crowd roared with laughter. So there ye have it, a fine spectacle of political jabs, where one pirate calls out another for his alleged misdeeds on the battlefield of life. Arrr, the seas of politics be as turbulent as a stormy night, filled with jest and jibes aplenty!

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