"Arrr, 'tis a shameful sight! JD Vance be callin' Tim Walz a scallywag for skedaddlin' from the National Guard!"
2024-08-07
Arrr, mateys! Republican scallywag J.D. Vance be callin’ out ol’ Tim Walz for makin’ a cowardly dive from the Army National Guard like a rat from a sinking ship ’fore sailin’ to Iraq! Them veterans be claimin’ he left ‘em high and dry—shameful, I say!
Aye, me hearties! Gather 'round, for I've a tale of political scallywags that be fit for the finest tavern! In a recent hullabaloo, J.D. Vance, a Republican matey vying fer the vice captaincy, unleashed a storm o' words upon the Democratic swab, Tim Walz, who be the Governor of Minnesota. Vance, with all the gusto of a sea captain callin' for a mutiny, declared Walz’s departure from the Army National Guard to be a “shameful” act, akin to a sailor jumpin’ ship in the midst of a tempest!Now, it be said that when the call to arms rang out in 2005, Walz, instead of steppin' up to the plate, reportedly turned tail and fled upon hearin’ his crew was bound fer Iraq. This news, buried in an old letter dug up from the depths of Facebook, was brought to light by the fine veterans who sailed the same waters with him. Vance, full of bravado, insisted that Walz ought to be held to account, claimin’ that a true pirate—I mean, soldier—would never abandon his mates!