The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

“Yer swimmin’ star be takin’ a powder, claimin’ the Seine’s brew be makin’ 'im sea-sick! Arrr!”

2024-08-08

Arrr, matey! Victor Johansson, the Swedish fish, be takin’ a dive from the Olympic seas o' 10km after catchin’ a nasty bug! He joins the crew o’ scallywags worried 'bout cleanliness—seems the Olympics be dirtier than a barnacle-covered hull, aye!

Ahoy mateys! Gather 'round fer a tale o' woe from the grand Parisian games! It be not gold medals nor glory that be plunderin' the hearts of our Olympians, but rather the foul and festering waters o' the Seine River! Just this Thursday, young Victor Johansson from Sweden, a brave soul lookin' to make waves in the men’s 10-kilometer swim, decided to jump ship after feelin' ill from swimmin' in those murky depths! Arrr, he be sayin’ his gut told him somethin' be amiss from the very start!

But he ain't alone in this watery debacle! The fine lads and lasses from Belgium scuttled their entire triathlon crew after one of their own, Claire Michel, fell ill! Turns out, she be sufferin' from naught but a pesky virus, not the dreaded E. coli! Yet, the muck and mire o' the Seine be causin' quite the ruckus, with athletes reportin' debris and bacteria thicker than a pirate's beard!

With $1.5 billion spent to clean this ancient sewer, ye’d think the water would be fit for swimmin'! Alas, our brave competitors be testin' their mettle against the odds, and it seems the river still has some tricks up its sleeve. Aye, here's hopin' they find a way to tame this treacherous water before the games end, or we'll be seein' more pirates walkin' the plank!

Read the Original Article