The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Colin Jost be takin' a wipeout in Tahiti, matey! A foot injury and pesky infections be endin' his surf quest!

2024-08-08

Arrr, matey! Our jolly jester from "Saturday Night Live" has sailed his final voyage in the Olympics, after findin’ himself with a cursed foot and a plague o’ infections! Blimey, the seas be rougher than a kraken's backside! Time to bury that treasure chest of dreams!

Ahoy mateys! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn 'bout the daring escapades of one Colin Jost, a jester of the high seas of comedy, who set sail for Tahiti to cover the grand Summer Olympics of surfing! Aye, it be a dream come true, until he met his match with a treacherous reef that left him with a grievous foot injury. Colin be takin' to the 'Gram, lamentin' how this calamity might sink his WikiFeet score!

As fate would have it, not only did he battle the sharp teeth of the reef, but he also found himself wrestlin' with a staph infection and an ear ailment fit for a landlubber! NBC be sayin' he lingered longer than the tides allowed, due to weather shenanigans, but alas, his time on the sandy shores of Tahiti was cut short.

With nary a moment to spare, Colin found himself makin' daily visits to the medical tent, where the healers became more familiar with him than a shipmate on a long voyage. He quipped, "Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated," while tryin' to keep spirits high amidst the chaos. Aye, this tale of misfortune be a reminder that even the bravest can find themselves in a pickle, all while tryin' to catch some waves! Arrr!

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