The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Coach Jim Harbaugh be takin’ the helm at Michigan’s kickoff, even with the NCAA’s black spot on his name!

2024-08-09

Arrr matey! Jim Harbaugh be caught in the NCAA’s net, facein' a four-year curse and a year of walkin' the plank! All 'cause of some sneaky recruitin' tricks while he was at the grand ol’ Michigan! Aye, the seas of college football be treacherous indeed!

Avast ye scallywags! Word be blowin' through the seven seas that the NCAA has laid a mighty four-year show-cause order upon the once-mighty captain of the Michigan football crew, Jim Harbaugh! Aye, it seems he had the gall to be parleyin' with young recruits during the foul plague times when all good pirates were hidin' in their coves.

The NCAA, in their wisdom, declared Harbaugh a knave for not bein’ truthful ‘bout his clandestine meetings with the lads, sayin’ he failed to keep his crew in line. But fear not, for the winds of fortune blow for Harbaugh still! The University of Michigan be throwin’ him a grand welcome back party as an honorary captain for their first battle against the Fresno State Buccaneers!

Yarrr, the athletic director, Warde Manuel, be lookin’ forward to seein' Harbaugh don his glorious colors once more. Though he be barred from the coaching seas for a spell, Harbaugh be settin’ his sights on the NFL, preparin’ the Los Angeles Chargers for a new huntin’ season.

Alas! The Michigan ship be in choppy waters, havin’ faced probation and fines, while even more troubles brew with a dubious sign-stealin' scandal. Shiver me timbers, it be a treacherous tide for all concerned! Arrr!

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