The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, says the IOC chief, “Chromosome count be a tale as old as the sea, not true fer man or wench!”

2024-08-09

Arrr, mateys! Captain Thomas Bach of the Olympic ship be takin' the helm on the gender ruckus at the Paris Games in his last parley with the press. Aye, it be a right tempest in a teapot, but fear not! The games shall go on, with hearty laughter and jolly sport!

Avast ye scallywags! Gather round as I spin a yarn of the International Olympic Committee’s captain, Thomas Bach, who found himself amidst a tempest of questions about the fairer sex in the boxing ring at the grand 2024 Paris Olympics. Aye, it be a matter of great contention, as two valiant boxers, Imane Khelif from Algeria and Lin Yu-ting from Taiwan, be caught in the crossfire of eligibility debates!

Bach, steadfast like a ship anchored in a storm, declared, “This be not a matter of inclusion, but of justice!” He scoffed at the claims of the International Boxing Association, who had disqualified the lassies based on the ancient and dubious art of chromosome counting. “Nay, these be women, and they deserve to box with the best!” he roared, waving off the naysayers like pesky fleas.

Despite the ruckus, our heroic boxers forged ahead, with Khelif snatching a gold medal right under the noses of her foes. “If ye bring forth a solid plan to define ‘man’ and ‘woman,’ we’ll be all ears!” Bach bellowed as he eyed the horizon for clearer waters ahead. So, me hearties, the Olympic seas be tumultuous, but with a hearty laugh and a firm stance, the games sail on!

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