The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Brittney Griner, once scallywagging 'gainst the anthem, now weeps like a landlubber as the banner waves after victory!

2024-08-11

Arrr, me hearties! Brittney Griner, a fearsome lass of the court, be weepin' like a landlubber upon hearin' the national shanty after her crew snagged the golden booty in Paris! Aye, even the toughest buccaneer can shed a tear for glory!

Arrr, mateys! Gather 'round fer a tale of the brave lass Brittney Griner, a fierce warrior of the WNBA seas. In the year 2020, amidst a storm of unrest after the tragic fates of goodly souls like George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, she declared that the national anthem should be cast aside like a rotten fish! Aye, she even stormed off the court ‘ere the tune could play, makin’ her stand clear as the Jolly Roger on a flagpole!

But shiver me timbers, the tides turned fer our Griner! She found herself locked away in a far-off Russian dungeon, accused of smuggling forbidden treasures—drugs, no less! After nearly 10 moons, she was freed in a prisoner swap, and this harrowing voyage changed her heart ‘bout that anthem she once scorned.

Upon returnin’, she donned a golden medal, tears flowin’ like the ocean, as the anthem blared proudly. She wept, “I didn’t think I would be here!”—for she had fought through storms fierce and foul. A’ja Wilson hailed her as a warrior, and the crew’s captain, Coach Reeve, said she was grateful as a pirate findin’ buried treasure. Aye, let us raise a tankard fer Brittney Griner, the lass who faced the tempest and emerged a champion! Arrr!

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