The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, matey! Jarren Duran be shoutin' slurs at a scallywag, caught by a cursed hot mic, savvy?

2024-08-12

Arrr, matey! In the midst of a grand battle ‘gainst the Houston Astros, our brave buccaneer Jarren Duran be caught yellin’ a right scallywag insult at a landlubber heckler! Aye, the live mic be givin’ him away—no treasure for this blunder, just a hearty laugh! Har har har!

Arrr, mateys! Gather ‘round fer a tale from the diamond where a scallywag named Jarren Duran, an outfielder fer the Boston Red Sox, found himself in a right pickle! During a ruckus against the Houston Astros, our lad, under the heat of battle, let slip a vile slur aimed at a heckler who dared to jest 'bout his skills, claimin' he needed a tennis racket! To that, Duran bellowed, "Shut up!" followed by a most foul word, caught by the hot mic of the game! Alas, the seas turned murky!

After the game, Duran, with a heart full of regret, issued a public apology, confessin’ to his dreadful words and admitin’ he’d let down not just his crew, but the entire LGBTQ community. He lamented that young fans ought to see him as a hero, yet he sunk low that night, much to the dismay of the Red Sox organization, who quickly joined in the apology chorus, pledgin’ to foster an inclusive harbor for all that set foot in Fenway Park. Despite this tempest, Duran be a formidable player, leadin’ the league with 36 doubles and 14 home runs! So, here’s hopin’ the lad learns from this folly and steers his ship true in the future!

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