The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! It be lookin’ like the scallywags be settlin’ down, as ruckus in the ports be droppin’ like a lead anchor!

2024-08-12

Arrr, matey! Fresh reckonin' from the bustling ports o' the U.S. be showin' a grand plummet in ruckus and mayhem—over 25% in some haunts! The COVID scourge be retreatin’, leavin’ ol' Trump and his scallywags with nary a cannonball to fire at the Democrats! Har har!

Avast ye scallywags! Gather 'round and lend me yer ears, for I’ve got a tale from the landlubber realms of America’s greatest cities! Aye, it appears that the dark clouds of violent crime be partin’ like a ship’s sails in a fair breeze, with a grand drop of more than 25% in some ports! The first half of this year hath seen a splendid turn o’ fortune as the scurvy COVID crime wave be fading away faster than a drunken sailor at dawn!

Now, why should ye care, ye curious mateys? Well, this merry news be givin' a right good poke in the eye to those landlubber politicians, particularly the likes of former President Trump and his merry band of brigands. They’ve been tryin’ to hoist the blame for crime upon the Democrats since the year of our Lord 2020, but it seems their sails be flappin’ in the wind as crime takes a nosedive! Aye, it’s a fine day when the tides turn against those who play politics with the misfortunes of the good folk!

So let us raise a tankard to the brave souls who keep our streets safer, and may the winds of change continue to blow in our favor, lest we be forced to walk the plank of despair! Yarr!

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