The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Red Sox matey be walkin’ the plank fer speakin’ ill o’ the crew! Twitter be buzzin’ like a swarm o’ bees!

2024-08-13

Arrr, matey! The jolly lad Jarren Duran of the Boston Red Sox found his ship anchored for two days fer spoutin' a foul tongue against the rainbow crew! The sea o' social media be churnin’ with chatter, like a barrel o' rum on a stormy night! Har har!

Arrr mateys, gather 'round and lend yer ears, fer I’ve a tale from the diamond seas of Fenway Park! Our scallywag, Jarren Duran, a swashbucklin' outfielder of the Boston Red Sox, found himself in a spot o' trouble after launchin' a foul-mouthed slur at a landlubber heckler. Aye, it be true, the salty words slipped out on a hot mic, and the crew of Major League Baseball did not take kindly to his foul speech!

As a result, the Red Sox be givin' Duran a two-game plank walk, startin' right away, as they face off against the Texas Rangers. Now, for each doubloon he be missin’ from his booty, 'tis to be donated to PFLAG, a fine crew that supports all manner of mates in the LGBTQ+ fleet. Duran, who be an All-Star this season, had been battin' like a true buccaneer, leadin' the league in doubles and triples, but alas, he let his temper get the best of him!

With social media ablaze with reaction, Duran did offer a grog-soaked apology post-game. As the Red Sox set sail on a new series, they be hopin’ this incident be only a tempest in a teapot. So, hoist the sails, keep yer words kind, and may the winds of fortune favor yer voyages!

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