The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! A scallywag from Notre Dame be sendin' to Davy Jones' locker for sendin' a wee lass to the stars!

2024-08-14

Arrr, matey! Cierre Woods, once a gallant runner for Notre Dame and the NFL, be now shackled to a life o' prison fer sendin' his lass's wee lass to Davy Jones' locker! But fear not, there be a glimmer o' hope for parole, if the fates be kinder than a rum bottle!

Arrr, gather 'round me hearties, for a tale of woe 'n folly! Cierre Wood, a once-mighty swashbuckler of the gridiron, hath found himself in the clutches of Davy Jones' locker—a lifetime sentence, he be. This rascal, who once sailed the fields of Notre Dame, be guilty of a most foul deed: the murder of a wee lass of five summers, in the treacherous waters of Las Vegas! Aye, in April of 2019, the poor child was discovered with bruises aplenty, a tragedy that shook the seas!

With a heavy heart, the judge, fair Jacqueline Bluth, decreed he serve his time in chains for both murder and child abuse, with a smidgen of hope for parole after a decade of hard labor. Aye, he be takin' an Alford plea, a crafty move that lets him keep his innocence while admitting guilt—talk about double-dealin'! But me lad ain’t the only one, for the lass's mother, Amy Taylor, be in the same stormy boat, guilty as well!

Once a star, runnin' like the wind, Wood sailed through the NFL seas, only to be cast out for breakin' rules. Now, he’s just another soul lost at sea, while his former dreams of glory be dashed against the rocks. So let this tale be a cautionary yarn, me mateys—choose yer paths wisely, lest ye meet a fate worse than walkin’ the plank!

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