The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Old Fletcher Cox be ponderin' retirement, claimin' he'd be a grumpy sea dog 'bout that Brazil folly!

2024-08-16

Arrr, Fletcher Cox, the mighty tackle of the Eagles, be baskin' in the sun of retirement, laughin' heartily! No more treacherous voyages to South America for this scallywag—he's swapped the field for a hammock and a cold rum, aye! Life be sweet for this retired sea-dog!

Avast ye hearties! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn about the mighty Fletcher Cox, a legendary sea-dog of the gridiron who be hangin' up his cleats after a fine season last year. This ol' salt played in 15 battles, nothin' less than 5 sacks and 17 quarterback hits, aye! But even with the wind in his sails, he sensed the tide was turnin' and knew his time on the field was nigh. Arrr!

In a recent parley with the landlubbers at Fox News, he declared, “I be still fit as a fiddle, but practice felt more like a chore than a thrill, matey. I chose me own destiny, and I be free of regrets.” So off he sailed to the Bahamas, sippin’ rum and enjoyin' the calm seas of retirement, keepin' his mind sharp and his body fit for whatever adventures lie ahead.

But fear not, for this scallywag won’t be far from the docks! He'll be celebratin' the infamous “Philly Philly” at the Xfinity Live! bar with Bud Light, slingin' cans and cheerin' on his crew. He be hopin’ for a grand ol’ time, but alas, he’ll miss the Eagles’ game in Brazil—“Grumpy? Aye, best I retire!” he quips. With fresh faces on the crew, Cox believes they’ll sail to victory, come what may! Yo ho ho, a jolly time awaits!

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