The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Once a champ, Cain Velasquez be sayin', “Naught a fight, just a rumble!” in his murder mischief!

2024-08-17

Arrr, matey! Once, the mighty Cain Velasquez, a champ of the ring, be chasin’ a scallywag on the high seas of speed, claimin’ he be a foul knave who laid a wicked hand on a wee lad! A right ruckus, I say! Avast, what a tale of mischief on the briny deep!

Arrr mateys! Gather 'round fer a tale from the high seas o' court and chicanery! Cain Velasquez, a fearsome UFC champion, found himself in a right pickle, plead’n no contest to felony assault and gun charges after a high-speed chase that’d make a sailor’s heart race!

This scallywag, driven to fury, let loose with a .40-caliber piece at a rogue's vessel, all while goin’ after a wretched knave accused of assaultin’ his young kin. Alas! The poor soul’s stepfather caught the brunt o' those cannon blasts, though he weren’t the intended target. Aye, talk about shootin’ first and askin’ questions later!

Now, Velasquez be avoidin’ the gallows of life imprisonment, thank the sea gods, but he still faces the wrath o’ the law and can expect a wee bit o’ time in the brig. His trial was set fer September, but he sailed into a plea deal instead, lettin’ the real villain await his day in court.

So, mark this day, me hearties! Velasquez be a champ in the ring but found himself tangled in a storm o' justice. His sentencing be comin’ up soon, and we’ll see if he’ll be walkin’ the plank or findin’ mercy on the high seas o' life!

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