The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, three-time gold scallywag Rai Benjamin be seekin’ a one-day deal with the Giants—“I’ve got me fancy boots!”

2024-08-23

Arrr, the swift-footed sprinter be shoutin' from the crow's nest, "I ain't just a scallywag cheerin' me beloved Giants! Nay, I long to join their crew and show me nimble legs on the field!" Aye, let the games begin, ye landlubbers!

Arrr, mateys! Gather ye 'round fer a tale of a sprightly lad named Rai Benjamin, a track and field swashbuckler who just claimed not one, but two shiny gold medals from the grand seas o' Paris! Be he not just a runner but a true heart of a New York Giants fan, dreamin' of tossin’ the ol’ pigskin on the gridiron.

This lad, he be makin’ a ruckus on the “NFL on ESPN” show, hollerin’ fer a chance to don the blue and white and strut his stuff. “Just one day,” he be sayin’, “I’ll sign me name for a day, playin’ on the offense like a true buccaneer!” With cleats at the ready in his cabin, he be itchin’ to run rings 'round his foes!

Benjamin ain’t no stranger to the football field, mind ye! He’s played wide receiver and even danced about on defense as a safety back in his schoolin’ days. But he be foundin’ gold on the tracks instead, bringin’ home treasures from the Olympics like a true champion of the seas!

If the Giants be needin’ a speedy lad, then Benjamin be the answer, ready to race and catch like a pirate chasin’ a ship full of booty. Who knows? A single practice with him could make 'em the fastest crew on the field! Yarrr!

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