The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Musk's swashbucklin' SpaceX be plannin' a jolly jaunt in the void, donnin' fancy duds and a ship!

2024-08-24

Arrr! SpaceX be sendin' scallywags into the void! These landlubbers be the first to dance with the stars, tryin' a spacewalk on the Polaris Dawn mission. They'll be sportin' shiny new suits fit for a captain! Yarrr, who knew space be so fancy, eh?

Avast ye, me hearties! Gather round as I spin ye the yarn of SpaceX's audacious venture into the great black yonder! A band o’ brave souls, led by the scallywag billionaire Jared Isaacman, be settin’ sail aboard a fancy modification of the Crew Dragon, preparin’ to take a stroll in the void of space! Aye, they be attemptin’ the first private spacewalk, a perilous escapade at a height of 434 miles, far beyond what any landlubber has dared try before!

This mission, dubbed Polaris Dawn, promises to be as wild as a rum-fueled brawl in Tortuga! They’ll be clad in slim spacesuits, ready to face the cosmic winds, and without the comfort of an airlock—talk about a gamble! Yarrr! The crew will be floatin' through the Van Allen belt, dodgin’ pesky charged particles that could fry their electronics quicker than a cannonball through a ship's hull!

But beware, mates! With no U.S. safety standards for these private missions, it’s a risky business! The crew has prepped for all sorts of calamities, like a wayward oxygen leak or hatch door mishap. So, hoist the sails and wish them fair winds as they embark on this treacherous journey to make space travel as common as a pirate’s tale! Yarrr!

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