The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Riley Gaines, blubberin’ like a scallywag, be tellin’ lawmakers to hoist the flag for the lasses! Arrr!

2024-08-27

Arrr, matey! Former NCAA swim star Riley Gaines be all a-quiver like a jellyfish in a tempest when she laid eyes on her words for Georgia Tech’s Captain Cabrera on the morn of Tuesday! Blubberin’ like a scallywag, she was! Ahoy, the seas of emotion run deep!

Arrr, gather 'round me hearties, for ye be hearin' the tale of brave lass Riley Gaines and her crew of former NCAA mermaids, who set sail to Georgia’s grand assembly! They be regalin’ the lawmakers with tales of their tribulations in the treacherous waters of women’s sports, particularly when they crossed paths with the fearsome Lia Thomas, a lady of the sea who be sportin’ the stature of a ship’s mast!

With hearts heavy, these brave souls recounted a time when they found themselves in a locker room graced by a 6-foot-4 figure, bare as a ship's hull in a storm! “They be exploitin' us without our consent!” cried Riley, her eyes glimmerin’ like a pirate’s treasure chest, demandin' justice like a true buccaneer. “Where be our safety?” she roared, callin’ on the captains of Georgia Tech to hoist the sails of protection for all fair maidens!

They urged the lawmakers to take a stand, shoutin’, “Women be worthy of dignity and safety!” Aye, they be callin’ for accountability as the tides of change roll in. In the end, the good ship Georgia Tech merely noted that they be followin' the rules laid down by the NCAA—always a cautious crew, but now the winds of justice be blowin’ strong! So raise a toast to these fiery lasses, for their spirits be unyieldin’!

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