The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! A wee lad from West Virginia took a thumpin' to the noggin in practice—now he's sailin' with Davy Jones!

2024-08-27

Avast, me hearties! Young Cohen Craddock, a scallywag of 13, met his untimely end at the football field, where a rogue injury sent his noggin into a tempest of blood and swelling. Aye, 'tis a fine mess to befall a lad! May he sail the skies, free o' pain!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather ye 'round for a tale of woe that'd make even the saltiest sea captain shed a tear! In the fair land o' West Virginia, a sprightly lad o' thirteen, named Cohen Craddock, met his untimely fate whilst battlin' on the gridiron at Madison Middle School. This young swashbuckler, who played a fierce defensive line, suffered a terrible blow to his noggin after a tackle that'd make Poseidon quake in his boots!

The brave lad rose after the clash, but alas, he soon collapsed, as if a cannonball had struck him. Rushed to the ship’s hospital, his oxygen levels plummeted faster than a ship in a storm. His heartbroken father, Ryan, wished it were but a nightmare, one he'd wake from, but the cruel seas of fate had other plans.

In the wake of this tragedy, ol' Ryan vowed to protect the youngin’s with soft-shell helmet covers, known as Guardian Caps. “No other mate should suffer as we have!” he proclaimed, like a captain rallyin' his crew. The school principal lamented the loss of a bright young buccaneer, and this sorrowful saga be but one in a string of dark days on the football field. So heed this warning, ye landlubbers: safety first, or ye may find yerselves in Davy Jones’ locker! Arrr!

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