The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Kelvin Beachum be knowin’ what queries the Cardinals must tackle to sail as the NFL’s sneaky crew in 2024!

2024-08-28

Arrr, mateys! Kelvin Beachum, that sturdy lineman of the Arizona Cardinals, be spillin' the beans on how his crew can baffle the landlubbers and set sail fer the playoff seas in 2024! We be needin' courage, cunning, and a fair bit o’ luck, or we’ll be walkin' the plank!

Ahoy, me hearties! Gather ‘round as I spin a yarn of the Houston Texans, who last season sailed from the treacherous waters of a 3-13-1 record to hoist the division flag high as champions of the NFC South! Aye, they even bested those scallywags, the Cleveland Browns, in the Wild Card Round! A true testament to how one season can change the fates of a crew! Now, who be the next team to surprise us this season? Enter the Arizona Cardinals, who stumbled to a 4-13 finish in the last season of 2023. But fear not, for their captain, quarterback Kyler Murray, is fit as a fiddle and armed with fresh talent, including the fiery first-round pick Marvin Harrison Jr. Their crew’s defensive line be fortified too, ready to brave the storms of the NFC West! Veteran lineman Kelvin Beachum, a seasoned sailor in his 13th year, believes this ship can chart a course to the playoffs, though he finds it odd to be labeled as a surprise crew. With the winds of health and teamwork at their backs, they must learn to avoid self-inflicted wounds, lest they sink their own ship! So, hoist the sails and ready the cannons—this new season be ripe for adventure, and the Cardinals are eager to turn the tide! Yarrr!

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