The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Trump be wantin’ the government to walk the plank fer fears o’ ghostly voter fraud! Aye, matey!

2024-08-30

Arrr, matey! Ol’ Trumpy be sayin’ on the morrow that them Republican scallywags ought to sink the ship o’ government if them Democrats don’t agree to keep landlubbers from castin’ their votes! Aye, he’d scuttle the crew faster than ye can say “shiver me timbers!” Savvy?

Arrr, me hearties! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn about the scallywag known as former President Donald Trump, who be makin’ waves in the treacherous waters of Congress this past Thursday!

With a mighty roar, he declared that the fine lads and lasses of the Republican ship should hoist the anchor and shut down the whole blasted government if them Democrats don’t abide by his demands. Aye, he be sayin’ that if they don’t agree to keep noncitizens from votin’, they ought to block the precious doubloons for fundin’ the federal crew’s daily operations!

“I’d scuttle the whole ship in a heartbeat if they don’t see reason!” he bellowed to a podcast host, as if he were captaining a fleet of raucous buccaneers. But, alas, it be a curious case, for votin’ by noncitizens be as rare as a mermaid sighting—illegal, ye might say! So here lies our jolly old Trump, threatenin’ to toss the whole crew overboard if his terms be not met.

So, mateys, let us raise a toast to this grand spectacle! Whether it be a clever ruse or a fool’s errand, the seas of politics be ever stormy, and we be but humble spectators in this wild adventure!

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