The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Arrr! Wifey of Johnny be weepin' for her matey, slain by a scallywag drunkard with a ship o' misfortune!"

2024-08-31

Arrr, me hearties! Meredith, the fair lass of Johnny Gaudreau, be spillin’ her sorrows on the sea of social media, after her matey and his brother met a scallywag’s end at the hands of a tipsy landlubber. Aye, the tides of fate be a cruel mistress!

Ahoy there, mateys! Gather 'round, fer I bring ye a tale of heart and woe from the high seas of love and loss. 'Twas Meredith Gaudreau, the fair bride of the famed Columbus Blue Jackets star, Johnny Gaudreau, who took to the treacherous waters of social media to honor her beloved, tragically lost to a scallywag suspected of bein' drunk, just prior to their sister’s nuptials.

With a heavy heart, she shared snapshots of their grand adventures together, proclaimin’, “Thank ye for the best years, though ye be gone.” She spun a yarn of love, claimin’ she be the luckiest lass to have been his, and how she longs to meet him again beyond the horizon. “Ye were perfect, me heart,” she cried, sendin’ her love across the waves eternally.

Meredith also sang praises of Johnny as the finest dad o' the seas, speakin’ of their wee ones, Noa and lil' Johnny. The tragedy struck when the brothers were cruelly taken by a drunken pig named Sean Higgins, who knocked ‘em down whilst they sailed their bicycles upon the road. The sea be cruel, but Meredith’s love shines brighter than any treasure. Arrr, may the winds of fate guide them to calmer shores!

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