The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Eagles star be warnin' kin to steer clear of Brazil, sayin’, “The crime be crazier than a drunken parrot!”

2024-09-03

Arrr, matey! The mighty Philadelphia Eagles be settin' sail to clash with the Green Bay Packin' scallywags in Brazil this Friday! But alas, our good mate Darius Slay be takin' the field without his kinfolk, like a ship without its crew! Har har!

Ahoy mateys! 'Tis the valiant cornerback Darius Slay of the Philadelphia Eagles, eagerly awaitin' the clash with them Green Bay Packers come Friday, yet dreadin' the treacherous voyage to Brazil! Aye, during a recent yarn spun on his podcast, "Big Play Slay," our six-time Pro Bowler be expressin' his fears, tellin’ his kinfolk to stay ashore.

"Week 1, I be itchin' for battle, but Brazil? Nay!" he exclaimed. "They be warnin' us to keep our scurvy selves within the hotel walls, for the crime rate be more wicked than a pirate’s curse!" He worries not just for himself, but fears the terror that could lurk in the shadows of that foreign land.

With a weary heart, Slay advised his family to keep their landlubber feet at home, sayin', “I won’t be found! I’ll be tucked away, playin' me games after a long sea voyage of 9.5 hours!” His hope remains steadfast: to seize victory in Brazil and return to the shores of home safe and sound.

And let it be known, this here match be the first-ever NFL showdown in Brazil, at the grand Corinthians Arena. May the winds be at their backs and danger far from their sails!

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