The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Matey, her swashbucklin' beau's been nabbed fer sendin' the All-American gymnast to Davy Jones' locker!

2024-09-06

Arrr matey! Chad Richards be in a pickle, charged fer the untimely demise of his fair lass, Kara Welsh, a gymnastic siren! She be found cold in his quarters after a ruckus on the 30th of August. Blimey, love's a treacherous sea, eh?

Arrr, gather 'round ye scallywags and lend an ear to this grim tale from the shores of Wisconsin! Young Chad Richards, a lad once wrestlin' for the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater, now finds himself in a tempest o' trouble. Charged with the dastardly act of first-degree murderin' his fair lass, Kara Welsh, she was discovered lifeless like a sunken ship in his quarters just before the stroke of midnight on August 30th.

At the court proceedings, where he appeared through the magic o' the spyglass—nay, a video link—Richards revealed a tale of a quarrel 'twixt lovers that went awry, claimin' the lass snatched his iron piece from the nightstand. In his panic, he wrestled the weapon, and alas, it went off more times than a cannon at a naval battle, leavin' the poor wench with eight grievous wounds!

With 11 spent casings scattered about like treasure on a forgotten isle, the lawmen believe foul play's afoot. Richards, now sittin' in the brig on a bond of a million doubloons, is set to face the music again on October 26th. Meanwhile, the Warhawk community mourns their fallen star, who dazzled like gold doubloons in the sunlight. Aye, what a mess this all be! Arrr!

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