The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Strange heart wiggles be link’d to a greater chance of kickin' the bucket fer those with the sugary plague!"

2024-09-09

Arrr, matey! Aye, if yer heart be not doin' the jig ‘round the clock, ye might be dancin’ with Davy Jones! A restless heart at night doubles yer chances of meetin’ the reaper, and if it don't slow down, ye be in for a 39% whackin'! Blimey!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn 'bout the treacherous tides of the heart's own rhythm, lest ye find yerselves walkin' the plank of ill health! Aye, 'tis been found that if yer heart be beatin' like a ship in a storm for 24 hours without a wink of rest, ye might as well be dancin' with Davy Jones himself! Aye, it be true—those who can’t calm the storm in their chest be risin' the risk of joinin' the crew of the dearly departed by twice the measure!

But wait, there be more mischief afoot! If ye find yerself unable to drop anchor and let yer heart slow down whilst ye be dreamin’ of treasure, ye’ll be shiverin’ yer timbers with a 39% chance of endin' up in the great beyond! Aye, sleep be a fine port for the heart, so ye best be takin’ heed. So, me hearties, if ye wish to shun the fate of rustin' on the ocean floor, pay heed to yer heart's merry jig and let it rest when the stars be shinin' bright. For a merry heart be a healthy heart, and that be the treasure we all seek!

Read the Original Article