The Booty Report

"Arrr, matey! Haitian scallywags munchin' on pooches? But lo! A grander tale brews 'bout wayward souls in Springfield!"

2024-09-10

Arrr, matey! A ruckus be brewin' 'round the rumor mill, sayin' Haitian swabs be snatchin' critters for their supper! But fear not, the local constables declare this tale be as wild as a three-legged sea turtle. No furry pâté makin' on their watch, savvy? Har har!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round for a tale fit for the high seas, where the winds be blowin’ wild and the rumors be flyin’ faster than a cannonball! Word be spreadin’ that our goodly mates from Haiti be plunderin’ pets from yards and snatchin’ ducks from the parks, claimin’ they be turnin’ them into a feast most foul! Arrr, the scallywags of social media, from Elon Musk himself to the likes of JD Vance, be sharin’ this yarn like it be gold doubloons!

But hark! The brave souls of the Springfield constabulary say this claim ain't sailin’ in their ship's radar! They be laughin’ in the face of such absurdity and declared that makin’ pâté outta poor pets be as likely as findin’ buried treasure in Davy Jones’ locker! Aye, the city folk be keepin’ their ducks safe from the jaws of hunger, and there be no need to hoist the flag of panic just yet.

So, me hearties, next time ye hear such tales, remember that not all that glitters be gold, and not all scallywags be cookin’ up a storm! Keep yer eyes peeled and yer ducks close, for the sea be full of strange happenings!

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