The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Aye, a global chase be on fer a scallywag accused of the most lily-livered misdeed! Arrr!

2024-09-09

Arrr, mateys! A grand chase be afoot fer a scallywag who dared to drench a wee babe of nine moons in fiery brew at a park in the land down under! The lawmen be hot on his tail, but this rogue be slippery as a fish! Ha-ha!

Ahoy mateys! Gather 'round fer a tale most foul from the shores of Australia, where a ne’er-do-well scallywag has set sail after dousing a wee babe with scalding java! Aye, on the sun-drenched day o’ August 27th, this villainous knave made his move at Hanlon Park, catchin’ a family unaware and pourin’ that molten brew on the innocent young’un! What manner of black-hearted swab does such a dastardly deed?

The poor little lad was whisked away by the brave sea dogs of the emergency crew to mend his grievous burns, but fear not, for he hath since returned from the clutches of the hospital! Meanwhile, the Queensland constables be huntin’ this 33-year-old “foreign national,” who be as slippery as an eel and has already fled the fair lands of Oz, likely to hide in the shadows o’ the seven seas.

With a warrant now writ, the hunt be on for this cowardly scoundrel, whom even the most seasoned of detectives, Paul Dalton, claims to have never seen such a lowly act in all his years o' service. To aid the wee tyke in his recovery, a GoFundMe has been set up, as the young lad prepares fer a long, hard road ahead. Aye, justice will prevail, and may the winds be at our backs in this manhunt!

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