The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr! Jason Kelce, former bird of the sea, be spoutin' a jest so fine it made me peg leg jiggle!

2024-09-10

Arrr, matey! Former Philadelphia Eagles scallywag, Jason Kelce, set sail on ESPN with a jolly quip at Levi's Stadium, just ere the 49ers clashed with the Jets. Aye, ’twas a fine jest that had the crew guffawin’ like a barrel o’ rum!

Arrr, gather 'round, ye scallywags! Our matey, Jason Kelce, the former lineman o’ the Philadelphia Eagles, be makin' quite the splash on "Monday Night Countdown" before a fierce bout betwixt the San Francisco 49ers and the New York Jets. Clad in a fine white button-down, he looked more like a landlubber than the hearty warrior we know him to be! It seems he forgot his travel bag in a truck, and Scott Van Pelt jested he ought to have ventured to the mall for a proper shirt!

“It fits me belly now – I’ve shed a wee bit o' weight,” the jolly Kelce quipped, “But me t--- be still... strugglin'!” Aye, that one-liner sent waves of laughter through the crew and the entire NFL crew alike! His brother, Travis Kelce, watchin' from home, couldn’t help but jest, wonderin' why his brother bothered with a shirt when he could’ve gone shirtless instead!

Our Jason has hung up his boots after 13 glorious seasons, bein' a seven-time All-Pro and six-time Pro Bowler. What tales be next in store for this retired seadog? Ye best be listenin' to their "New Heights" podcast for the next chapter of this rib-ticklin’ saga, mateys!

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