"Arrr, matey! Top election swabs be warnin’ the mail ship o’ troubles with them ballot scrolls, har har!"
2024-09-12
Arrr, me hearties! A motley crew o' election swabs be shoutin' from the crow's nest 'bout the Postal Service bein' slower than a barnacle-covered ship! Ballots be showin' up later than a landlubber at a rum party! They penned a message to Captain DeJoy, warnin' him o' the storm brewin'!
Arrr mateys! Gather 'round, fer I be havin' a tale from the high seas of democracy! A band o’ election buccaneers, a bipartisan crew, be raisin’ the Jolly Roger over troubles with the Postal Service, savvy? On a fine Wednesday, they sent word to the Dread Captain Louis DeJoy, chief o’ the mail ship, warnin’ of serious squalls in deliverin’ ballots, aye!It seems these ballots be wanderin’ the seven seas, takin’ their sweet time, often arrivin’ at shores well past the fateful day when votes be cast. They be likin’ to play hide and seek, and not in a jolly way, but more like scallywags tryin’ to avoid the gallows! The fine folks from the National Association of Secretaries of State—those fine landlubbers representin’ every state—be penning a letter, expressin’ their fears that democracy be walkin’ the plank!
In nearly every corner of the land, these ballots be showin’ up late, and it be causin’ a ruckus that even the fiercest sea dogs can’t ignore. So, me hearties, let’s hope ol’ Louis gets his shipshape and Bristol fashion, or we might be seein’ a mutiny at the polls! Har har har!